* * * * *
The Couch
"... And I'll be there first thing in the morning."
"Oh, wonderful," Elisa thought to herself.
"After that wonderful day at work I come home to my
wonderful apartment and find out that my wonderful aunt will be dropping
by. I'm glad I got that answering
machine, making my life easier."
Elisa's aunt had been living abroad
since her wealthy husband died of a heart attack. It was only a matter
of time till she dropped by. Sighing and putting her hands
on her hips Elisa surveyed her dwelling.
"Wonderful," Elisa said out loud, "Just wonderful."
The guys had been here. She could tell
by the leaning tower of dirty dishes in the sink and the couch cushions
were everywhere. Cagney was asleep on top on the
kitchen counter and Elisa, who didn't feel like waking her,
moved on to the living room.
"Well, cat." Elisa talked to Cagney even though
the cat was asleep. "Aunt May isn't picky about where she
sleeps so she can have the couch."
Some people talk to their plants, some
people talk to computers; Elisa talked to her cat. Very
therapeutic
when you think about it. You can tell a cat anything and
they won't freak out or tell someone your darkest secret.
Elisa had gathered the pieces of her couch
together and was telling her live-in therapist about the horrid
night
she had just experienced when a napkin sticking out of the crack
in the couch made her stop.
"Will you look at this?" Elisa pulled out
the red piece of paper that said "Happy 4th of July."
"This has been here
for five months, isn't that disgusting Cagney?"
Cagney yawned and rolled over.
"I wonder," Elisa said rubbing
her chin. She didn't think about it any more, she just dug
in. Normally, the
more you think about doing something, the more reasons you think
of not to do something.
"Found something!" Elisa informed
her cat and pulled the TV remote out of the crack in the couch.
"I thought
I lost that." Next she pulled out a stale potato
chip. "Wonder how long that's been there?" Next
came out the
bag that the potato chip came in. "Well, answers
that question. Says best if opened
by 5/8/95."
Cagney stretched, sat up, and started
cleaning one of her paws.
"Found your cat nip mouse,"
Elisa said flatly and tossed the pink
felt mouse over into the kitchen. Cagney
promptly jumped on it from the counter.
Elisa's hand meet something prickly, then
pulled a hair brush out of the couch.
"This is interesting. Gross, but
interesting. I feel like I'm going through some
unexplored tomb. Hey what's
that?" Elisa's hand came out with the antique gold and pearl brooch
that her mother had given her when she turned 21.
"Yes! I was so worried that I
had lost this forever!" Elisa put the keepsake in her pocket.
Now Elisa dug in with more enthusiasm
then ever. She didn't know what was coming to come out of the
couch
crack next and couldn't wait to find out.
* * * * *
By the time Elisa was done she
had quite a collection on the floor around her. A throw pillow, double
A
batteries, a pilot pen, a post-it pad, Coke bottle, bottle
opener, a dust bunny the size of her head, piece of raisin
nut bread, Cagney's old cat collar, hair elastics, a smashed
cassette tape, the tee shirt from her high school
reunion,
phone cord, ruler, a pair of diamond ear
rings, Matt's gold lighter, another napkin (plain white), bullets
for her
gun (her old gun that was crushed by Demona), a
grab page of Cheetos, enough dead roaches to make an
exterminator horf, an old wallet with no money in it, sunglasses
complete with case, a book called Small Gods, a
kitchen magnet that said "That's Ms. Bitch to you", a now pressed
flower that Goliath gave to her, her little black
book she had in the academy, duct tape that might have
been holding the couch together, the December issue of
national geographic from 1990, a picture of
her, Beth, and Derek at Beth's High school
graduation, a letter that
said you may already be a winner, a piece of wadded up
old used chewing gum, a note from the crack monster
saying to clean more often, a road map,
coconut incense, a slinky key chain, coupons, post card from
the Aderondicks, her pocket calculator, silver eyes liner, a snow
dome that had a ballerina in it, the beeper she thought
she lost and had to replace, a pin cushion, 23 dollars
in spare change, and a pair of men's underwear.
* * * * *
It was close to 7am when Elisa
heard a knock at the door. Elisa had fallen a sleep on
the couch after cleaning
her apartment top to bottom. Sleepily Elisa got the door.
"Elisa!" Aunt may exclaimed, "How
are you? I haven't seen you in ages!"
"Oh I'm fine," Elisa said with a yawn.
"You look positively drained," noticed
Aunt May. "Are you still working the night shift?"
"Yeah, I got home at two last
night got your message and stayed up till 4 cleaning."
Elisa yawned again. "Have
you been traveling long?"
"Oh yes, and since you look like
you could use some rest, too, how bout we sleep till noon and
I take you out
to lunch?" Aunt May was always up and cheerful. Comes from the
caffine.
"Sounds great," Elisa said. "You
can put your bags anywhere, I guess."
"Thank you so much," Aunt May said.
"Now you know I'm not picky so I'll take the couch if you like."
"Oh wonderful," Elisa said.
* * * * *