Hello Friends, I'm Doctor Sevarius and I want to tell you about a wonderous new product I've invented...


Has natural selection got you down?
    * screen behind Dr. S. shows an overweight, balding man *
Ever feel evolution has left you behind?
    * then a plain looking woman *
Do you feel the need to get closer to nature?
    * a man looking around dazedly inside Manhattan's concrete jungle *
Now you can have the look you've always wanted, but never thought was possible with...
"Evolution in a Box"
    * screen beside Dr. S. flashes from pictures of one mutate to another *

Thanks to the wonders of gene splicing, all of Nature's variety is yours to choose from.
-Sprint with the speed of a cheetah.
    * screen shows a cheetah woman running through a field *
-Swim with the skill of an otter.
    * changes to a swimming otter man *
-Have the strength of a bear.
    * then to a bear-faced man easily lifting heavy weights *

Any of these or many others are now yours to enjoy with Dr. Sevarius's "Evolution in a Box" for the special low introductory  price of $39.95.
    * Call 1-800-555-MORF *

There are all these fine choices to pick from. Others are even available upon personal request.
    * A speeding list of animal species scrolls across the screen as the picture flicks through a variety of them. Fine print runs along the bottom quickly. *
    ** Fine Print: Some versions are untested. Personal requests require an extra 2 to 4 weeks to process and cost an additional $25.00. **
GenUTech and Dr. Anton Sevarius are not liable for any problems occuring with the use of this product. **

Do you have a physically demanding job? You can choose a kit which will make your work seem natural.
    * picture of a monkey window-washing man *

Looking for a nice fur coat? Choose from a wide selection of luxurious animals? Mink or fox perhaps? If you want something
spotted, I recommend the snow leopard myself.
    * A shapely minkette combs her long white hair in front of a mirror while the fine print wizzes by underneath. *
** Fine Print: Fur is difficult to maintain and requires constant care. Evolution in a Box has been known to have adverse affects which include change in diet, habits, loss of voice and megalomania. Use only as directed. GenUTech and Dr. Anton Sevarius are not liable for any problems resulting from the use of this product. **

Always dreamed of flying, but lacked the time and money? Try one of our many bat hybrids. Just look at some of our satisfied customers.
    * scene of the mutates flying over Castle Wyvern *

Any of these great options are available to you from "Evolution in a Box". Only $39.95.
    * Call 1-800-555-MORF *
But wait! Call within the next 30 minutes and I'll throw in a free "Cloning Kit".

Want to double your time?
Or would you just want a little life security?
Need a fourth bridge player?
Then make your own best friend with... "Dr. Anton Sevarius's Cloning Kit!"

Just imagine: In just under a year, you can have a double of yourself, educated to any level you desire.
*Another Dr. Sevarius comes out, shakes the good doctor's hand, who hands him the microphone with a bow. *
** Fine print: High intelligence tends to form undesirable mental personalities. Recommended use is to keep intellect low and loyalty high. Some variation in skin and hair pigmentation may occur. It is recommended that clones only be made of legally consenting subjects. GenUTech and Dr. Anton Sevarius are not liable for any problems experienced while using this product. **

The wonders of cloning yours free if you order "Evolution in a Box" now.
* Call 1-800-555-MORF *

Doc #2: But wait... there's still more!
Doc #1: More?
Doc #3 *who just walks out*: Yes, Anton, more. You can order a second package for only $30.00 more if you call now. You and your spouse...
Doc #2: wife or husband...
Doc #1: or S.O. can enjoy the new freedom "Evolution in a Box" brings together.
Doc #3: If you wish, you may even choose different package types to suit your own personal preferences at no extra charge.
** Possible breeding problems may occur, especially in widely varient choices. GenUTech and Dr. Anton Sevarius are not liable for any hereditary problems caused by use of this product. **

Doc #2: Oh? But what about the little ones?
Doc #3: Then you can purchase a large sized family kit. It comes with 5 versions of "Evolution in a Box" for only $149.95. You can select each set to suit every family members personal tastes.
** Use may cause severe personality changes in some children. GenUTech and Dr. Anton Sevarius are not liable for any problems caused by use of this product on children. **
Doc #1: A savings of nearly 50$. And that comes with 5 "Cloning Kits" as well... what better life insurance can your children have?
Doc #2: But can we afford to sell them at that price?
Doc #3: I say we can... everybody deserves to be able to enjoy this wonderous opportunity.
Doc #2: You're so right, Anton... as always.
Doc #1 & 3: Why thank you Anton.

Doc #1, 2 & 3 (turning to the camera): So if you're unsatisfied wading at the shallow end of the gene pool, take the plunge! Order "Evolution in a Box" for only $39.95 right now.
Doc #3: Group packages available for couples and families.
Doc #2: Operators are standing by to take your order. Remember, to get your free "Cloning Kit" you'll have to call within the next half hour.
* 1-800-555-MORF *
Doc #1: And remember... Fur covers acne and is a sure cure for baldness.
* 1-800-555-MORF *
** Fur may further irritate acne, baldness may reappear and long term effects may appear. GenUTech and Dr. Anton Sevarius are not liable for any problems experienced through the use of this product. **

Doc #2: Call now and enjoy the new you.
Doc #3: It'll change your life for the better.

** S&H $4.95 extra per kit. Some restrictions apply. Allow 3 to 6 weeks for shipping. Not guaranteed to improve your life. GenUTech and Dr. Anton Sevarius are not liable for any problems experienced from the use of these products. Use only as directed. No refunds available. **

(This has been a paid broadcast produced by Rawlings International with the assistance of Tony Teakles. The author and RI are not liable for any problems incurring from the use of this product.)

Gargoyles and all references herein are the property of Buena Vista Television and are used out of respect. Any resemblance to furries, alive or dead, is purely unintentional. Respect and awe to the Great Mouse... please do not sick your rabid lawyers upon me.