CLAW'S TOP TEN MOVIES OF
ALL TIME
**
10: What's up Tiger Lily?
9: Silent Movie (Mel Brooks)
8: False Faces (1919 w/Lon Chaney)
7: The Giant Claw (Honstly, don't bother)
6: All Quiet on the Western Front (1930 w/Lew Ayers)
5: Blade Runner (Hey, it's a great flick)
4: Bringing Up Baby
3: Silence of the Lambs
2: A Tiger Walks (1963 Disney)
And Claw's #1 movie of all time :
The Quiet Man
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CLAW'S TOP 10 PET PEEVES
**
10: No chance to work on a tan in the labyrinth
9: Being mistaken for Fang.
8: When Linda Hamilton doesn't
answer his Love Letters
7: Being Canceled
6: Never being in the end credits
even when the show was on
5: Sloppy dubbing
4: Knock Knock Jokes
3: Having to keep his tail tucked in those tight
speedos (OK then, YOU tell me
where it went.)
2: Karaoke
And Claw's #1 Pet Peeve :
That fop Tigger.
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TOP 8 JOBS CLAW COULD TAKE IF HE GETS
TIRED OF GUARDING THE TUNNELS
**
8: Steven Segal's dialect coach (I
wish)
7: Tony the Tiger's Stunt Double
6: New Lead Singer for "Kitaro"
5: Tour guide at Marcel Marceau wax
museum
4: Ringmaster for Cirque Du Soleil
3: Testing surge protectors
2: Proxy acceptor for stars who can't
make it to
award shows (short
acceptance speeches)
And the #1alternate job for Claw is :
Computer help-line operator.
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TOP 10 REASONS MORE PEOPLE DON'T
WRITE CLAW STORIES
**
10: They know I'll chew their tail off if they
make Claw Talk
9: The show's writers never gave him
any scenes that would inspire
us to care about him..
8: The show's writers never gave him
any third season shows at all..
7: Since there was no chance that Patrick
Stewart would voice him,
what would be the point?
6: Yeah. A story set in a sewer...
Now THERE'S a
romantic / exotic locale.
5: a) Will Goliath and Elisa do it?
-or- b) A mutate doesn't talk.
Face it .
Sex sells.
4: Can't quip something witty
after punching the bad guys.
3: "Claw"? You mean "Fang"? No
wait. Now which one is which???
2: No mystery or intrigue possible
from a mute, modern day Frankenstein's monster with a hidden past..
And the #1 reason more people aren't writing Claw stories
:
A seven foot Tiger who (yawn) flies around Manhattan
and shoots bolts
... so you're saying all he does is bird impressions???
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CLAW'S TOP TEN THINGS TO DO
ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON
10 : A Book. An easy chair. A large cup of Russian tea
and a Spanish
guitar tape in the background.
9 : Sitting on a rooftop, watching children
play below.
8 : Sneaking into castle Wyvern and making
chalk smiley faces on
the boys.
7 : Filling out the Times Sunday Crossword.
In public. In ink.
6 : Not letting anyone know it's the puzzle
from two weeks ago.
5 : Fixing a large, elaborate dinner from
a new recipe.
(Gotta
use all four burners.)
4 : Listening to a story from someone who
might not have that
many others who would.
3 : Working out
2 : Cloud tag
and the #1 activity for Claw on a Sunday afternoon is:
Any of the above with a friend
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10 "CLAW'S TOP TEN LISTS" I PROBABLY
WON'T BE DOING ANYTIME SOON.
**
10 : Top 10 things that will guarantee
Claw will
leave the party early.
9 : Claw's Top Ten Knock Knock Jokes.
8 : Top ten storylines Claw would have
liked to have
been in.
7 : Clas'w Top Ten Typos
6 : Claw's Top Ten impressionist painters
5 : Top Ten Characters Claw has been mistaken
for.
4 : Top ten things that rhyme with "Claw"
3 : Claw's top ten "Elisa and Goliath on
the Boat" episodes.
2 : Top ten Flames received for "Claw's Manifesto"
And the Number 1 "Claw top ten list" I won't be doing
anytime soon :
Claw's top ten beliefs on the topics of Religion, Politics,
and
Copyright infringement. !
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