avalon mists / feature / what gargoyles means to me?
What Gargoyles Means to Me article by: KWSapphire issue date: 9/2/03 print friendly / pdf file .......................................................................................................... What Gargoyles Means to Me It's difficult to be a loner. Humans are pack animals; we crave contact with people like ourselves. Unfortunately, for quite a while, I was very much alone. Thank goodness for the Internet. That and Gargoyles are the only reason I have an ounce of self esteem today. Gargoyles also helped me step into the Internet, which is now obviously a necessary skill no matter where you go. Gargoyles even drove me to improve my artwork. I can still remember all of the events that have led to my current lifestyle. I was quite happy as a child. No one was really an outcast in my elementary school. I frolicked on the playground with no worries as to whether or not my lunchbox would be where I left it at the end of recess. I had several good friends, and of course, a best friend. Then my parents uprooted our family and moved north. My whole world came crashing down. My parents picked the least convenient time to move - right in the middle of the year. The class I joined had already formed their clique, and was not about to let me in. That was the middle of fourth grade. The class quickly found out I was different anyway. I didn't like the same things they did. They taunted me, lied to me, stole my books, wrote hate letters to me, and were generally horrible. Since most of us lived in the same area, it continued through middle school as well. Towards the end of middle school I fell in love with dinosaurs, which only escalated their cruelty. I was different, and so I was cast out. I think the final straw was when my best friend started to ignore me. She was into drugs and alcohol, and I very much was not. I was now totally alone. There was not a day that I can recall I did not come home crying. Then, in high school, something miraculous happened. I came home from school and flipped on the television, as I normally did. I saw the most miraculous show, one with winged beasts who lived in Manhattan. I was enraptured with these guardians of the night. They were outcasts like me! Better yet, they looked cool! I had created alter egos for myself since I can remember, as a form of escapism. So, of course, I immediately created my own gargoyle. Well, that didn't go over well at school either. It was just another thing for the kids at school to tease me about. My freshman year was just as bad as the past few had been. That summer, however, I visited my uncle in Massachusetts. He introduced me to the Internet. I still remember that night. He said "You like Gargoyles, right?" He typed Gargoyles into Yahoo's search field. I will never forget the five returns we got. The Gargoyles Fan Website, Buena Vista's Gargoyles Website, Station 8, The Raptor's Cavern and The Lamp. As much as these sites have evolved, I will never forget their origins. I visited the Station 8 Gargoyles Comment Room, and later the Chat Room. I even got to use the gargoyle character I had made for myself, months before. Amazingly, I found people just like me! They liked Gargoyles, and most of the other things that I liked too! One of them, Lex, asked me to join the MiniClan. I was the eighth member. Then I recruited more people, and we grew larger. By the time school started the next year, the MiniClan was over ninety people strong, and still growing! A changed person entered that school in tenth grade. I found my self-confidence, lost since fourth grade. Oh, people still made fun of me, but their taunts meant nothing. I had found my clique, they just happened to be scattered across the world. I actually didn't mind that I didn't fit in at school. A few people even stopped picking on me. They realized I just did not care. Being a member of the Gargoyles Internet community has had profound effects on my life, ones I could have never foreseen. Even beyond my new found confidence, my online activities forced me to increase my typing speed and to learn to navigate the Internet like a pro. For the love of Gargoyles I even braved the daunting task of learning HTML and creating my first website. Obviously these are important skills, as the Internet has become the most important medium in the world. Then there are my improvements in the field of art. Watching Stephanie, Aimee, Karine, Jen, and other fantastic artists drove me to improve my own art. I watched them evolve and so I evolved too. Finally I came up with something that could be called a style of my own, and I haven't stopped drawing since. I love looking back at the first gargoyle I drew back in 1994. I'm amazed at the progression I've made in such a relatively short period of time. To think of these things still boggles my mind. What would have happened to me if I had never seen Gargoyles? Would I still have gotten my self-confidence back? Would I know the Internet so well? Would I type as quickly? Would I know HTML and have such a great website? If not for these things, I certainly would not have been employed at most of the locations I've worked since graduating high school. If I hadn't worked where I had, I wouldn't have met my current boyfriend. Without him, I wouldn't even have gotten a dog. If not for Gargoyles my artwork would not be near the quality it is now. The list could go on and on. Even the smallest action can have a profound effect on your entire future. Like a drop of water making ripples in a lake, Gargoyles has reached to every corner of my life. It is no exaggeration to say that Gargoyles has made me who I am today. ..........................................................................................................